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Let’s Talk About Sex (Drives)!

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Remember being 17 and sharing everything with your girlfriends? First kisses, bad dates, fights with your boyfriend? Chances are, you talked about everything- even those
things that boyfriend wouldn’t be too pleased to hear you sharing. Then you finished
school, and you began dating people more seriously. For every guy you went out
with, there was a subsequent conversation with that same best friend, or maybe
a new one, about the date, his appearance and personality, what was wrong with
him, and how far this relationship was going to go. When you got married, she
helped you pick your dress, and probably your lingerie as well. And if you’re
like most women, that is when things started to change. Conversation about sex
and sexuality started to dwindle, and was replaced by the other things that
were prevalent in your life. You can attribute this change to a million
different things, from your focus on balancing your kids and career to the
increased conservatism that comes with age.

Obviously your responsibilities and interests change as you
go through life, and accordingly, so do the topics of conversation that
interest you. But removing sex from the medley of topics that you are
comfortable discussing can inadvertently lead to feelings of alienation if you
ever develop a problem in this facet of your life.

Recent medical studies indicate that up to 1/3 of young to
middle-aged women, and up to ½ of older women experience issues relating to
their libido. The numbers alone demonstrate how pervasive these issues are, but
still it’s something we rarely discuss. Most women don’t talk about low female libido
with their friends, and the few that do discuss it with their doctor only
breach the surface of the issue. That so many of us choose to deal with this alone
could be attributed to a socially-distorted sense of decency. We wouldn’t want
to make anyone uncomfortable by discussing something so personal and so ‘crass.’
But the fact that we don’t talk about it is perpetuating the feelings of worry,
guilt, shame, and isolation that a woman faces when she is dealing with a
low-libido. These feelings can be tied directly to her conception that there is
‘something wrong with her.’ Contrary to this belief, low-libido is a prevalent
issue for more than a significant number of women, and these negative feelings
are a product of the stigma that surrounds a woman’s ‘abnormal’ sex drive. Talking
about issues relating to our sex drives creates a network of support and is
instrumental in getting rid of this unhealthy and unfair repression.

Given the well-established link between sexual function and
overall health, it is important to address issues pertaining to low-libido. It
is difficult, though, to address an issue that is plagued by a social taboo.
The vicious cycle continues when we play by this taboo’s rules and never
address the issue at hand. At femMED, we strongly believe that a woman’s most
important asset is her health, and so it is something that she should nurture
as best she can. One of the first steps in taking care of issues related to
libido involves simply opening up about it. We want to open a dialogue about
libido, and stop the stigma that surrounds it in its tracks. That our libido
level fluctuates throughout our lives is a normal part of being a woman, and so
it is also something that we should be comfortable with. If you are
experiencing a change in your libido, talk about it. You might find the person
you’re opening up to is facing a similar issue. If they’re not, they will know
that there is someone there if and when it becomes a problem that they face.

One of the main benefits of discussing libido-related issues
with other women, other than emotional support, is that we can share our
strategies for dealing with it. Although there is no Viagra for women, there
are a number of things we can do to take our sex drives back into our own
hands. femMED Libido is one of our best selling products, and we have received
an enormous amount of positive feedback from happy women (and their husbands!)
who have used it to reclaim their sex drives. There are a number of other
home-remedies that Kelli Young discusses in this blog post. If you find
any of these suggestions helpful, or if you have one of your own to share with
us, please share it in the comments section- or send it in a private message
through Facebook or our website.

We all know that dealing with body issues we’ve never
experienced before is hard. What’s even harder is experiencing them alone, and
not knowing what to do. In the case of low-libido especially, ignoring and
burying this aspect of being a woman is not healthy. By talking about libido
and making it a viable topic of conversation with your friends or medical
professionals, you can play a part in beating the silence associated with a
very common, very normal problem.

Rose Duggan
Rose is a graduate of McGill university where she studied philosophy and psychology. After graduating, she moved into the world of marketing and communications, and is excited to combine her interest in writing with her commitment to healthy and active living.

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